ZOMBIE CASABLANCA

10. Mountain Goats – “Heretic Pride” – The latest from the Mountain Goats may not be their best work ever (see “The Sunset Tree” or “Tallahassee” for that), but John Darnielle is still a brilliant writer, and even a very good Mountain Goats song trumps 99.9% of modern indie rock. That said this album contains a lot of very good tracks, including the fantastic title track, the great opener that is “Sax Rohmer #1,” and my personal favorite song title ever, “How to Embrace a Swamp Creature.”

9. The Sword – “Gods of the Earth” – Powerful Sabbath-style metal full of more classic rock riffs than you can probably handle. This is the very best metal album of the year, between the blazing guitar solos, driving bass and drums, and ever-present (and ever-welcome) mythological and Nordic references in every song, with the exception of the ever-building instrumental opener “The Sundering,” which leads into the ripping and fierce “Frost-Giant’s Daughter…” this is the album that made me love METAL this year!

8. Death Cab For Cutie – “Narrow Stairs” – I’ve been into this record since the first time I heard “I Will Possess Your Heart,” a single that intrigued me with its sprawling five minute instrumental opening, and decidedly creepy, stalker-like lyrics, which all seemed remarkably unlike Ben Gibbard’s previous offerings. The single wound up being the perfect introduction to this complex album, a dark and moving meditation on unrequited love and obsession that really surpasses all Death Cab’s previous albums. “Your new twin size bed” may be the saddest song I’ve heard all year.

7. Girl Talk – “Feed the Animals” – Blenderphonic beat poet, or audio terrorist? Whatever you want to call him, Girl Talk’s new album “Feed the Animals” is every bit a worthy follow up to 2006’s “Night Ripper.” The new album has even better production value and the sources of the new tracks get even more eclectic (Twisted Sister! Nirvana!! Tag Team!!!), and the mixes are more fluid. I love listening to this album just to try to catch all the references and pieces assembled here… but be warned: the mixes this time are even more ADD-inspired than GT’s previous music, so take your time with it.

6. Akimbo – “Jersey Shores” – Akimbo is one of those bands that’s been around, but I never really got into them, until I heard the first half of this album played live. When I checked out the whole album later, it was just as amazing as what I had seen at the live show. “Jersey Shores” is a concept album about the New Jersey shark attacks of 1916, the series of incidents that inspired Jaws, and have now inspired another great work of art. Sprawling, heavy, and aggressive, the stoner/ metal chords that drive this album actually feel like the rhythm of a shark in motion, stalking it’s prey, ever-building until the fierce release of sound that represents the next attack. Brilliant in its concept and execution!

5. TV On The Radio – “Dear Science” – The new album from TVOTR is probably their best, most cohesive album yet. Taking their influence from everything from The Ramones (check out the opening of the first track “Halfway Home”) and The Buzzcocks (“Dancing Choose”) to David Bowie and David Byrne (“Golden Age”), this is one of the most energetic albums I’ve ever heard recorded. Driving, dancey, and packed to the gills with insane falsettos, what’s not to love? If you only hear one album featuring Tunde Adebimpe this year, make it this one!*

4. She and Him – “Volume One” – Since I saw “Elf,” I knew Zooey Deschanel pretty fantastic voice, but I’ll admit, when I heard she had cut an album with M. Ward, it reeked of celebrity vanity project (see: Scarlett Johansson’s “Anywhere I Lay My Head”*). That’s why I was so blown away by how damn good She and Him really are. Not only can Zooey belt out a tune, she can write some great pop songs. From start to finish, the album has this old-school, 60’s southern pop style, with the standouts being the great “This is Not a Test,” and “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?,” which I consider the coolest/ sexiest/ catchiest pop song of the year. 2009 will be looking bright if “Volume Two” is anywhere on the horizon.

3. Dillinger Four – “C I V I L W A R” – Six years, two false start release dates, a fake break-up, a rumored death, and a million side projects have stood between Dillinger Four’s last album and this one, which finally dropped in October. C I V I L W A R (“Civil War” for short) was well worth the wait. D4 has been called “the only punk band that matters,” and albeit those who shout this are typically not sober, they are very, very right. This album is fast, loud and as lyrically strong as anything else D4 has recorded, while also featuring a new production quality that I’m still not sure fits these Twin Cities punks. In light of the polish, when the album gets down to business it doesn’t fuck around: the dueling buzzsaw guitars on the opening “A Jingle for the Product” are killer, and virtually every (disappointingly few) song Paddy sings are among D4’s best (especially awesome is “ParisHiltonIsAMetaphor”). Musical tips of the hat to Radon and Toys That Kill balance out the album, leading to the excellent closing track “Clown Cars On Cinder Blocks.” In any other year, this would be album of the year hands down, but 2008 was just too damn good to handle.

2. The Hold Steady – “Stay Positive” – Definitely their most ambitious album yet, The Hold Steady returned with a surprisingly sober, introspective album that brings up themes of finding a dignity and grace in getting older. Craig Finn’s lyrics remain as brilliant as always, including some of the greatest lines I’ve ever heard (my personal favorite- “Raise a toast to St. Joe Strummer, I think he might have been our only decent teacher”). Unlike 2006’s riff-packed “Boys and Girls in America,” this album sees the Hold Steady get more experimental with their music, with some tracks that harken back to the old Lifter Puller days (the synths in “Navy Sheets” make it sound like a b-side straight from “Fiestas and Fiascos”), but they can still switch gears back to the classic big-riffing bar-rock that made them one of the biggest indie rock bands going today, especially “Sequestered in Memphis,” which sounds more like the E-Street Band than E-Street has in 20 years. Every song is a winner, building up to the heavy rocking closer “Slapped Actress,” easily the best closing track of the year. After an album that contemplates on their entire history up to present, I’m very curious where The Hold Steady will go next. Wherever that is, I’m there.

1. Vampire Weekend – “Vampire Weekend” - I still can’t believe the best album of the year came out in January. All year long, I compared everything to the self-titled debut album from NYC’s Vampire Weekend, and this one beat them all. From the first time I heard this album to the (probably) 80th, I can never get tired of how infectiously catchy and entertaining it is. The band’s strong 80’s-style Brit-pop influence combines with a heavy reference to classic reggae and ska, and the end result is something between a dancier Talking Heads, an indie rock English Beat, or Wes Anderson: The Band. If you try to comprehend Vampire Weekend’s lyrics, your head will implode, just know two things and you’ll be fine: 1.) Their dumb name is based on a student film they made in college, and 2.) If you can listen to this album and not find yourself toe-tapping, nodding along or at least smiling, you probably aren’t alive.


(*Yes, Scarlett Johansson’s album really was that disappointing that I had to bring it up twice in this top ten list… but it wasn’t half as bad as Weezer’s Red Album.** )

(**but then you probably knew that already.)

Once again, it's been far too long since I wrote anything in this journal, and I'd kinda be lying if I said it's just because I've been too busy. In a way I have, since I've been job-hunting nonstop for the last 8 months, and am sadly not much closer to finding a better place to work than a crappy bank in hard-hittin' New Britain. Oh well..
But I decided this morning today would be a day to get back to doing some more creative things, so I have a couple things to talk about, in glorious UPDATE-O-SCOPE!

UPDATE!
"DOWNHILL FROM HERE" my old web-comic has a new home! You can visit www.myspace.com/dhfh [or click this super-convenient link] to check out the new home for Suzie Finn and her crew. I've posted the first six comics from DHFH version 2 [that's the one most of you remember, the good one where I knew how to write and the art's not awful]. I'll be adding more comics every few days til the whole thing's posted on the site for your easy reading perusal. And if you have a myspace page, Suzie is in desperate need of friends, so help a sister out and add her to your friends list!

UPDATE!!
Speaking of DHFH, I'll let you in on the skinny that I alluded to months earlier, and you've most likely forgotten about by now. My original plan was to have the entire DHFH collection published and released as a trade paperback this Spring, but in true Downhill fashion, I actually lost the image files to two of the older seasons. So, rather than publish most of the story, I'm holding off until I can either a.) find the missing pages, or b.) have enough time to redraw and recreate the missing pages. I'm not sure which will happen faster, but it'll be published one day. In the meantime, I've at least got the myspace page.

UPDATE!!!
"VERY EMERGENCY" has really come together. The script is ready to go, and I'll be starting layouts for the first issue this month. The book itself won't be released until the summer of 2009, but there's plenty of cool stuff coming beforehand to hype this thing. I just finished the first draft of "Issue Zero," a little preview story that will be released digitally in late 2008, along with [if I can get it together] a few live action promo spots, which will debut on the forthcoming ZOMBIE CASABLANCA website.

Next time I'll post some sketches from the VE sketchbook, just to give you a taste of the cool to come. And you're welcome to read a copy of the latest draft if you haven't already.. just drop me a line and i'll send it over. I can't get enough feedback about this project!

Wow, it's been a long time since i posted anything here...
what's been up with me?
well, that's certainly a thoughtful thing to ask, me.
i do try my best to be thoughtful and ask such considerate questions, me.
i know, i just wanted to tell you that i appreciate it... me.
anyhoo, this has been a crazy busy summer, not necessarily the most showstopping awesome-est summer ever, but it had its moments. like, working on the production crew for the new Indinan Jones movie. and moving in to a new apartment with Becca. and working my new soul-sucking job. a LOT.
not much happened on the creative front, though, so i've really been dying to get back to doing that artsy-creative kinda stuff. just figured i'd update y'all to what i've got going...
first off, the Downhill From Here website is going away. the series ended a while ago, and there's been little to no activity from the site in a long, long time now. that being said, there's still some life to be had out of Downhill; i'll post more on that when i get all my eggs in the same basket, but let's just say i've been doing a lot of... compiling.
speaking of compiling, my project for this week is mixtapes, since it's been far, far too long since i put one together. and i finally have some motivation, what with Lisa Ton needing road music for her move to San Diego and Zoe's birthday this weekend. and of course, there's a special someone else who may just score a super sweet new mix out of me sooner than later, too.
my new comic project is plugging along, albeit slowly. i finished the 6th and final draft of the script, and it's exactly where i want it. i've been doing more and more concept and design sketches, so the next step is going back to check out some more source material... which means watching John Cusack and James Bond movies [the good ones, the Connery ones... wow, it'd be damn cool if Connery and Cusack were in a movie together... too bad Connery had to go and retire from acting], and reading lots of Nick Fury comics. i'm still shooting for a May 2008 release date for the first issue, but that deadline is encroaching ever closer. either way, i'll be making some big headway starting up the promotions front of this project in the next few weeks, doing a few small stories to give myself a feel for the rhythym and pacing of this story. it's cool, i'm really excited to get back to comic work, since i haven't done anything substantial comic-wise since Downhill wrapped last year.
lastly, for those of you out there addicted to my sassy, in-your-face writing skills, i'm writing reviews for my friend Adam's e-zine Surviving the Golden Age. it's a cool website if you're into indie, punk or hip hop, and i'm telling myself i'll be chiming in at least once a week with some nuggets of wisdom. so check it out if you're interested.
that's all for now, but i'll keep you all posted when new stuff comes together.
stay alive.
-bill

ps- i'm more than a little disappointed to admit that i'm pretentious enough to officially be more excited for Oscar-baiting fall movies than summer blockbusters nowadays, but can you really blame me when this fall will see new flicks from Wes Anderson, David Cronenberg, Paul Thomas Anderson, and the glorious return of the Coen Brothers?!?

so the semester's over. even a year after graduating, that still has some resonnance for me.
this is the last time that's really gonna have an affect on me [i swear!], but my internship wrapped up the same time as school for everybody else, so i'll share in your collective sigh of relief.
i'm sitting at the wfcs office waiting for Becca, going over everything in my head..
this spring has been so crazy madly hectic that it just sunk in last night that, as of today, Becca and i are officially living together. we moved her out of the dorm this morning, and from here, we're headed to my apartment... our apartment, i should say.
it's crazy just how much can change in the span of a year.
a year ago, i was alone, finished with school, having no idea what comes next... and madly in love with a very special girl that i dreamed of being with someday...
actually, the more i think about it, not that much has changed. i'm still not sure of exactly what i'm gonna do now that i'm officially a part of the real world, but i'm not lonely anymore... and i'm still just as in love as ever with the same girl, and now we're starting something new, together.
i'm nervous, but i'm incredibly excited that Becca and i are gonna live together..
so i guess all there is to say is welcome home, love.

i haven't chimed in in quite a while with a production update on the comic book, so i thought i would.
for those who didn't know, last year i wrote a screenplay about breaking up that i ultimately decided would work much better as a comic book than a movie. it's been about 10 months since i finished the first draft of "very emergency," and since that time i've done five more drafts and done TONS of character/ environment/ style designs. so basically, the project is pretty much right where i want it to be to start the actual art chores. that's the name of the game for me this summer... drawing as much as i can of the six issues of this bad boy.
so we'll see how drawing goes... i haven't worked on a project of this size in a long, long time, and i really hope i'm not too rusty.
no matter what, i hope to have the first issue camera ready by the end of the year, for an early-2008 release date.
i'll be doing some fun promo stuff in the meantime to hype the series a bit, which i'll be sure to post here.
and, if any of you that haven't read the script yet and would like to, let me know and i'll send you a copy of the latest draft [that i just finished today, actually]. your feedback is always welcome.
later!
-bill

lest that last post was too negative for you to take, here's some great news-- GI Joe with the Kung-Fu Grip is back!!!!! don't believe me? check this out and be enthralled for hours!!

**i wrote this piece for the wfcs program guide/ zine project that was supposed to launch back in february. it never really got off the ground, but this was a pretty solid piece, so i thought i'd share.. so.. enjoy.**

come each new year, it’s not uncommon for one to take a look back at the previous twelve months and reflect on them. To look at landmark events that helped shape our lives. To think of the best and most exciting things that happened. I was planning a list of just such events when it dawned on me– it’s the end of fucking February. The new year’s like a sixth over already. So I said fuck it and compiled a list of reasons why 2006 sucked and why I don’t miss it even a little bit.
1.- Arrested Development got cancelled.
The greatest TV show you never heard of finally left the airwaves when Fox pulled the plug in March 2006. At least the crew and brilliant cast [including David Cross, Will Arnett, “Teen Wolf 2"s own Jason Bateman] knew the end was coming, and went out on an amazing high note with a two hour final episode of brilliantly elitist injokes that tied up all the requisite loose ends.
2.- Gnarls Barkley kinda sucked.
Last January, the entire pop music world was ablaze with rumors of just how big an impact Gnarls Barkley would have when their full length album finally dropped. In theory, the r&b-inspired hip-pop duo of Cee-Lo and DangerMouse who performed dressed as pop culture icons like Alex and his droogies from “A Clockwork Orange” sounded cool enough to warrant the “second coming of Christ” level of hype before their album hit. Which just made it more disappointing when the album finally dropped, and it was... not bad. I wanted to love it. When I couldn’t, I wanted to hate it. But “St. Elsewhere” wouldn’t even let me do that; it’s too damn mediocre to remember any given song before the next one comes on and also fails to impress. Except “Crazy,” memorable only as the second-most-overused and irritating single of the year.
3.- Justin Timberlake brought sexy back.
With flaccid lyrics that sound more like dialogue from a “Pirates of the Carribean” movie than anything erotic, I’m still wondering where sexy went that Justin’s bringing it back from. Maybe it’s a sign of maturing as a pervert when what passes as kinky in the teenybopper mallrat set comes off as just annoying. And speaking of annoying...
4.- Jamiroquai released a “Best Of” album.
...and it wasn’t a blank disc.
5.- Dreamgirls bogarts the Oscars’ best song award.
Granted, I’ve only heard Beyonce’s number, but c’mon– three song nods for one movie?!? I refuse to believe any soundtrack is good enough to warrant that. Just give them the goddamn Oscar and call it a night.
6.- The great cinematic race for the bottom.
Bad movies are nothing new. I’m sure even when film was still a brand new medium, Murnau and Wiene were met with producers who thought it’d be better to cast Martin Lawrence as Nosferatu and have him fart on his victims. But 2006 really pulled out all the stops when it comes to bad movies. Don’t believe me? Just head to your local video store [or Netflix-friendly mailbox] and watch X Men 3, RV and 3 Fast 3 Furious: Tokyo Drift. After you stop your eyes from bleeding, just remember that those three movies were all released within a span of three weeks. That’s three weeks of 2006... then just think about what horrors the other 49 weeks must hold...
7.- No new retarded fashion statements.
On the subject of trends, 2006 was the first year in quite some time to not feature some ludicrous new fashion statement for America’s youth to embrace and subsequently spend too much money on. Which is a true shame, since the last few years have been phenomenal in their absurdity, from 04's fauxhawk to 05's collar poppers. While I’m on the subject of clowns...
8.- George Bush is still president.
This fact was aggravated in 2006 by the fact that Borat is not president. But on the topic of futile and meaningless acts of aggression..
9.- Playstation 3 used up the year’s supply of gamer-on-gamer violence.
The beatings, robberies and shootings came and went within the first 12 hours of the PS3's release. Disappointing since I was so hoping to hear a week later that someone got shot over a Wii, cos there’s no statement in the world that’d be funnier than “I got shot over a Wii.”
10.- Burrito Max closed down.
The long-standing last good reason to go to Boston closed its doors this past summer, and with it went the finest and classiest dining experience you can ever dream of. There really isn’t much point to eating once you realize this.. everything just tastes like cardboard.

but I don’t want to leave you thinking 2006 was really that terrible... and to help illustrate my point, here’s five reasons why 2007's already doomed to be worse:
1.- Atreyu has a best of album.
2.- “Wild Hogs” hits theaters in March. Why would you do this movie, Bill Macy? Why?!?
3.- Crappy Superbowl ads. How many times must we insist, old saggy man-boobs don’t sell cars!!
4.- The Pre-Primary Presidential hype machine. Please don’t pre-empt my 24 for your real-life political intrigue.
5.- The last Harry Potter book comes out this summer... and after that I’m left with one less thing to feign interest in people telling me about.

ok, i may not be the easiest person to shake up. under most circumstances, i've got a good knack for keeping my cool, but once in a while something comes along that just makes me freak the fuck out. what i'm referring to in this particular circumstance, dear readers, is this announcement by Pope Benedict XVI yesterday morning, confirmation that the stuff of our most terrible nightmares is, indeed, as real as can be.
that's right folks, hell is a real place. somewhere below us, but totally there. with fire and brimstone and a little red guy with a pitchfork. for real.
now i'm sure i've terrified some of you already with the thought that maybe one day you'll find yourself in this wretched locale [others, particularly those from new jersey may be looking forward to an upgrade to better living conditions], but that's not our immediate concern. i know you all very well and most of you are decent [and baptised] enough to evade this fiery fate, and the rest of you can recant on your deathbeds. what we really have to think about are the ramifications of hell being a physical geographic location. this adds so much previously-ignored gravitas to the consequences of a wrong turn off the interstate or a Lost-esque oceanic plane crash.
and if hell exists, then it's most assuredly going to fall victim to the global warming Al Gore claims is already affecting our planet. what would the result of global warming be on a place that consists only of endless fire and anguish? would the greenhouse effect make the flames of hell burn even hotter than the misery and hate that have fueled them since the beginning of biblical time [referred heretofore as "the only time that matters"]?
or could we be looking at some weird paradigm shift where the rising ocean levels from the melting polar icecaps would trickle down to extinguish the agonizing fires and actually make hell cooler? and if this is the case, what would happen to the steam created by the suddenly-stamped flames? would it reach us on the surface, causing a sudden and cataclysmic outbreak of geyser eruptions? or would the steam rise all the way above the clouds to heaven, ironically raising the living temperature of paradise while damnation cools?...
there are so many troubling unanswered questions now, especially in our post-9/11 environment; the only time i've been able to stop thinking about this today was to hyperventilate into a paper bag and grasp my rosary beads all the tighter for a hot second. how any of us can be expected to continue to function in our daily lives now, knowing that hell could literally be a stone's throw away, is completely beyond me.

thanks a lot for ruining my day, Pope Benedict XVI, you fucking dick.

my top-five all-time favorite movies list is an ever-changing, ever-evolving creature. one film stays on it nearly 100% of the time, and Anchor Bay has just released a new 2-disc edition of it, pictured here:

Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator is, for me, the ultimate b-horror movie. you can keep your Evil Dead, Re-Animator is way cooler. it's [very loosely] inspired by Lovecraft's short story, for one. and if you're into shock schlock like the tree raping scene in Evil Dead 1, you haven't seen anything until you see a headless man perform cunnilingus on a captive woman by holding his own severed head between her legs. and for all his coolness, Ash lacks the looney zeal of Jeffery Combs' Herbert West-- i get a twisted joy every time i watch this flick just seeing the hellbent scientist's gears turning every second of the film, thinking "huh, wonder what would happen if i re-animated that?..."
and with this latest edition, you also get a new 70-minute documentary on the making of the film, and a way-cool highlighter shaped like a syringe needle... flourescent green, of course.

if you haven't heard yet, Steve Rogers, Captain America, is dead. Marvel Comics made the questionable executive decision to kill off one of their longest-standing and most iconic characters in "Captain America" #25, released this wednesday. the true shocker of this plot twist is how well they kept this under wraps ahead of time. when DC killed Superman back in the mid-90's, there was major press coverage, both in comics and major mass media attention. everyone knew Superman was going to die months before the issue was actually released. Marvel decided to do something different with Cap.. instead of flooding the media with news of the event, they made sure no one knew about it until the issue was released this week. this is the part that i find interesting and truly bold in their plan; everyone found out about this death at the same time, a comic-based shot heard round the world.. it somehow adds more gravity and more realism to the death. and news coverage of the event is playing right along, with everyone from CNN to Variety to Fox News breaking it as if any living person in the political world had been assassinated. it's a deft and fascinating exercise in the fusion of art and reality, cohering to deliver more depth and personality to what is typically a shameless exercise in quick buzz generation.
How is the issue itself? pretty damn good, i must say. writer Ed Brubaker's run on the book has been phenomenal over the past two years, melding classic Cap characters [Bucky, the Red Skull, even Armin Zola(!?!)] into a more realistic setting of espionage and secret politics.. a sort of "24" for the spandex set, and this style fit the shocking death scene-- which only slightly smells of idiotic "let's shake things up for no reason" corporate fuckery wherein the hands of a lesser writer it would absolutely reek-- with a tragic perfection. it's abrupt, it's jarring, and it really takes a few pages to sink in; Captain America is dead.
mission accomplished-- i really need to know what happens next.

holy fuck, it's been a long time since i wrote anything on this page. after months and months of neglecting my zombie journal, i'm back, picking just about the busiest week of my life to start writing again [i've always been smart that way].
so yea, crazy week from hell:
today i had to cram three days' worth of work at the video store [hereto referred to as "Ho-Wood" in reference to the time half our neon sign burned out, and to avoid spreading any good word about the shitty company i work for]. the pirate who runs the canton branch needed a printer, and decided to hijack ours while on one of his outings. i shit you not; he's a pirate. and he stole our printer. anyways, we got the printer back and i had to muscle through all the papaerwork and tasks from the weekend before going onto the lovely monday morning task of resetting our entire store to make room for the new movies out on tuesday. which i got done by 3, to my pleasant surprise. and surely to the future pleasure of our cocksucking customers, who can now be assured they can get their grubby little mitts on their own rental copy of ridley scott's "a good year" first thing tomorrow. you know, the new movie where russell crowe looks like he's getting a handjob on the cover?
so, wildly divergent and semi-profane tanget nonwithstanding, that's one day down this week.
in the next week, i've got two days of interning in northampton, a full overnight store inventory, layout and writing for the wfcs program guide/zine project hitting streets very soon, jello biafra speaking at ccsu, metal thursday, bowl-a-rokie on friday celebrating birthdays for chip, eric, larry and somebody even more special, potentially ice skating saturday, and spenind the day with becca on her birthday this sunday.
i should try and sleep at some point, too. maybe i'll try right in the middle there.
i'm sure i'll be inclined to write more very soon, so don't be a stranger, me! come back and write again... soon! okay, i'll see what i can do.
ps- as a side note, i highly suggest everyone tune into "hannity's america" each sunday at 9pm. it's the unscripted new show where everyone's favorite smarmily disaffected conservative pundit gets to "cut loose" and "tell it how he sees it"... which basically comes down to him rapping about how liberals suck in a pair of too-tight jeans while standing in front a disquietingly large projector image american flag. now you can get your hate on in a more dress-casual setting! must see tv, indeed!

my back and left shoulder have been killing me for the past four days. i'm in constant pain. i'm working 60+ hours a week, and burning away about the same number of dollars just in gas to get to and from work. i haven't had a decent night's sleep in months. i'm cold almost all the time, since i'm still not all that used to this whole not being fat thing. and i have to move my entire life out of the house in about six weeks...
...and i've seriously never felt better in my life.
every day is something great, something new, something else.
every day i'm reminded of who i am and why i do what i'm doing.
i'm reminded who my friends are.
and most of all i'm reminded of who i love and why i love them.
things are complicated, they usually are i guess. maybe it's part of growing up, maybe it's just me being typical me.. alls i know is i wouldn't have changed a thing about a night like tonight.. not even forcing back my incessant desire to keep pushing..
for some reason right now, i'm filled with a great faith that things really will all work out for the best.. whatever that may be.

i'm trying to figure out why last night wound up not being a good time. i'll think more about it at work i'm sure.. maybe i'll update this if i figure anything out.

since i have a few minutes here, and since absolutely no one has asked, i wanted to drop some knowledge about upcoming shows and events going on in the area this fall. if you're lucky, you may even catch me in a rare public appearance...

wednesday 13 sept: man man @ pearl street
thursday 14 sept: mates of state @ pearl street
sunday 17 sept: comedians of comedy @ toads
wednesday 20 sept: english beat @ middle east
saturday 23 sept: the sawtelles [and a certain someone's 21st birthday] @ cafe 9
saturday 30 sept: the hold steady and sean na na @ hamden masonic temple
saturday 7 oct: jon stewart @ jorgensen auditorium, uconn
monday 9 oct: michael ian black @ toads
sunday 15 oct: tilly and the wall @ middle east
tuesday 17 oct: mustard plug and against all authority @ the webster
thursday 26 oct: the queers @ wallingford american legion
tuesday 31 oct: halloween in times square to kick off CMJ 2006!
sunday 6 nov: lewis black @ jorgensen auditorium, uconn

ok, i'm done for now. please feel free to post more events i haven't listed yet in the comments section.

can something really, honestly GOOD happen sometime? it's been like four years. seriously.

today turned out to be even more jam-packed than yesterday.
within an hour of waking up, i picked up becca at work and rolled to ccsu.
she had to go deal with her financial aid stuff, while i shot an informational video for wfcs, starring adam and mike, decked out in suits, giving a ridiculous tour of the station. the footage has yet to be edited, but i'm pretty damn sure it'll be the best thing i've ever filmed.
we got food and sangria at olive garden, then randomly drove to manchester to get an orange julius at the mall. the dollar store that took over the old sam goodys' store is a particularly good one, rife with religious coloring books, big-ass gardening hats, prepackaged grandma-style thunderpants, and these cute little ladybug things attached to slinkys, one of which was deformed and only had three legs. becca should have bought it, but chose not to; she's a very wrong person like that.
we left the mall, and becca called me a pussy for not smoking one of the notoriously harsh kamel red cigarettes she bought. i summarily took one then threw her lighter out the car window; i hold to my story that it was an accident.
we hung out at the guitar center for a few hours, playing guitars worth more than our lives. well, she was playing. i struggled to keep up the appearance for about 3 minutes before conceding once again that i know shit when it comes to guitar. becca taught me a few basic chords, so i can now somewhat comfortably play both a g- and power-chord. the a-chord is a whole other beast.
we ended up at eli's for sweet potato fries and drinks, which turned into a slightly awkward and impromptu middletown high school reunion. as i've known for many years, that's what happens when you go drinking in your hometown... there's a reason i don't drink in southington.
all things considered, a really great day.
that's two in a row.
one more and it's officially a winning streak.

oh, and i know you're reading this, so i'll just say it-- thanks.

i met up with Zoe tonight in middletown. it's funny-- i hadn't seen her in five years til a random run in last month, and before that i'd honestly all but forgotten she even existed. but there we were, as per the plan, unexpectedly in the midst of a big biker rally that took up the entirety of main street.
i had apparently just missed an all-classic rock cover band perform on the stage set up by court street. tragic, i know.
we walked around looking at motorcycles. i dug the aquamarine chopper proudly flying the puerto rican flag. she was impressed by the color-coordination of a flame-covered cherry red bike's frame and matching helmet. we were both most impressed by the three-wheeler, and its obvious proclivity to not fall over very easily. safety is priority one when it comes to motorbikes.
we ended up watching another... fairly mediocre band that was three seconds away from breaking into a Lynard Skynard cover, and split a pizza that we ate in the rain before wandering over to the movie theater. we were gonna catch a flick, but decided that would be kinda lame; after not having talked in five years, why the hell would we go somewhere we just sit in the dark and watch something in silence? plus, it was like 45 minutes til anything halfway decent was playing.
we ended up at klekolo's instead. grabbed some iced teas and played a rousing yet anticlimactic game of scrabble. my letters kept screwing me, so i kept having to put down four letter words [only my favorite words when it comes to profanity]. she dropped a Q down, and we realized we both wanted to spell "qualm," but it just missed fitting on the board. sigh.
by now, the biker rally was gone [still have NO CLUE exactly how biker rallies end... is there a grand send off? does everyone just leave?], but we found a program on the ground that goes into extensive detail about dates and locations of other biker rallies. score.
originally, we were gonna split after that, but she invited me back to her place in mansfield. i was tired, but it was cool hanging out so i grabbed a red bull, popped in the mix cd she let me borrow [all pop-rock songs in the theme of buying and eating food] and off we went.
we watched a really cool documentary called "300 Mondays" about a place called cafe 9 in new haven, which holds beat poetry/music nights every monday. Zoe's dad, undeniably cool cat named Peter Riccio was featured prominently in the movie, which was awesome. he apparently wants me to start booking shows again really bad... thanks for the compliment.
after the movie, we sat around and talked for what turned out to be like 4 hours. it was really cool to catch up on old friends, find out what was new [and feel real awkward about the fact that FOUR members of our old crew have already gotten married]... talked about dating, marriage, companionship, religion, friendship, saving the world, the cathartic feeling of swearing at machines, sex, having kids... it was cool; the last time i saw her, Zoe was really still just a kid... 15, i think. it made me happy to find out she grew up into a really smart, cool and together person.
she had to go to bed, since she had work in the morning. i glanced at my watch and noticed it was past three in the morning.
she said that's what happens to time when you meet new people...
...or catch up with old friends you haven't seen in so long.
it really is the same feeling.
what a damn good night.

loser. (noun) one who loses.

guess some things never change.

a student asks his sensei how adversity can strengthen character. the sensei has his student boil three pots of water. he has the student put a radish in the first one, drop an egg in the second, and scatter leaves in the third.

the boiling water is the adversity facing all three things.

the radish, strong and firm at first, turns soft and weak when met with the water.

the egg, brittle and fragile, becomes hard and stiff in its heart as a result of adversity.

the leaves, however, did not suffer for the worse-- releasing their fragrance and flavor, they turn the boiling water into tea; they used the very circumstances that would otherwise have brought them pain, altering themselves and the situation around them to make something more.



thanks, stan. i needed that.

17 July 2005.

last night, Julie and her fiancee Ryan (who have been putting us up/ putting up with us in san diego) went out for dinner with us. they showed us a joint in pacific beach called “Fred’s Taco Shack.” if san diego’s gaslight district is for 38 year old tourists, pacific beach is for 31 year old locals; it’s a string of loud bars, tattoo parlours, surf, smoke and record shops.
i had an instant distaste for the place.
Fred’s was... interesting. half very loud bar, half very loud mexican restaurant. you walk in the door to the bar with the menu posted behind it. you give your order to any of the mildly to very cute bartenders/baristas/waitresses, pay, sit down then get served. the girl who took my order was totally cute. short dark hair with two piercings in her lip and two more in each ear, slim build with graceful shoulders extending out of her Fred’s uniform tank top, complete with the oh-so-classy Fred’s slogan “kiss my taco.”
the music was a mix of blaringly loud early to mid-90’s radio hits, from snow’s “informer” all the way to nada surf’s “popular.” behind me in line were a gaggle of plastic office girls, already three sheets to the wind and speaking that vapid, overly loud drunk girl speak that they probably should have grown out of after college (but never do). the whole scene soured my disposition, to the point where i completely lost my gender identity, curtly placed my order and shoved my money in the direction of the bartender, who now wore a weird, confused half smile in my direction. i wondered what that was all about...
i sat down with the crew and ashley, barely audible over the noise, mentioned how the girl at the bar complimented me on my zombie shirt. in all the noisy ruckus and my lousy mood, i had completely missed that rare, precious gift of a compliment from a hot girl, and in doing so inadvertently snubbed her in return.
fuck.
after that, this girl was all i could look at for the rest of the dinner. i noticed her metal bracelets, the circular tribal tattoo on the nape of her neck and i realized i was totally in love.
this happens a lot; i guess a result of my incredible lack of self confidence, that i fall very easily for girls that pay any attention to me. it’s always been that way... that shared moment where one person is motivated to engage another based on the mutual presence of attention, if not attraction. as i sat watching this girl at the bar, i couldn’t help but regret a missed opportunity to experience that feeling again. it’s the greatest rush i’ve ever known, that first encounter with someone who shares and reciprocates my interest... i can see why some people stay swingers for such a long time... it’s addictive, whether you act on it or not.
that this kind of attraction is always temporary makes it even more appealing, a fleeting moment that thrills and burns out in the blink of an eye.
i love marissa very much, but i’ll never feel that kind of attraction to her ever again. i’ve felt that with other girls before and since, but it’s very nature means it always cools and fades... and i’m okay with that cos after all this time, marissa and i have something else now.
still, i miss that passion, that instant love/ excitement/ attraction... whatever you wanna call it.
last time i really felt that was last year... and i got hit pretty damn hard.
even though i miss her, it’s not marissa i’m thinking about right now...
it's someone else.
aaaanyway, leave it to me to be that guy that brings up chicks when we’re supposed to be talking comics here.
what a cool dude i am. seriously.

[to all things an ending, and this is it already... the journal kinda just stopped here, since i made the unfortunate mistake of packing it in my checked baggage, which the airport lost on me for a few weeks. i did eventually get it back, which is good, but it seemed silly to revisit something that was already over and done with. which i guess i'm doing right now anyway, but i guess that just shows that i'm sillier than i was a year ago. and i can live with that.]